Saturday, July 08, 2006

Beating Heart

My heart beats faster with everyday that passes, everyday that leaves me closer to making the biggest decision of my life; marriage. A million things run through my mind at once leaving me tired, frusterated, and bitter to the world. Where is my life going? Is marrying lover boy a good desicion or is it one that I am going to regret for the rest of my life? Is it my nerves causing the 2nd thoughts and cold feet? Or is it my intuition saying "get out. Dont do it"?
Everyday I find myself eating alone at the table because lover boy isnt hungry and i am. Everynight I find myself laying in his bed alone while he is watching some sport. Everyday i find myself getting upset at him because he hurt my feelings. Is it because im really sensitive or is it because after we are married he's going to turn into some insensitive prick who pushes me around and doesnt love me at all? Am i getting into something like my mothers old situation? Where the guy is so sweet at 1st then after marraige he feels he has the right to hurt me?
Right now i want to punch a hold in the wall, I want to scream at him, I want to have a raging yelling fight where I run home alone crying. But why? Because it would make it easier to say "Call the wedding off"? It is irrational to think that? IM SO CONFUSED


Blogger thesexyswede said...

Maybe you should talk to him...

7:17 PM  

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