Wednesday, July 12, 2006

One ending, One begining

Where shall I begin? For this ending to my life is a new beggining. I am experiencing so many emotions as my wedding day comes closer into my veiw. Im sad to let my room go. To just see all that hard work and pateince i had. Im excited to pack up and leave my mother behind and start a new life in my house, with my food and my husband. Im scared too though, for so many trials are bound to pop up leaving me either stronger than before or weaker than the next.
Today I'll be moving some stuff over to lover boys and packing for tomorrow which I will be decorating the gym and heading up to the hotel(3 hr drive). Friday I am getting married and I will be in a hotel that night and the night after that maybe. Life will never be the same again for on Monday when life slows down and resumes back to normal, i will be a married woman with a new last name, a new home and a new person in my life to which i will want to protect at all times and have him do the same for me. Life will be ending yet life will be begining. It will be one bumpy yet fun ride. Anyone wanna watch?

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Beating Heart

My heart beats faster with everyday that passes, everyday that leaves me closer to making the biggest decision of my life; marriage. A million things run through my mind at once leaving me tired, frusterated, and bitter to the world. Where is my life going? Is marrying lover boy a good desicion or is it one that I am going to regret for the rest of my life? Is it my nerves causing the 2nd thoughts and cold feet? Or is it my intuition saying "get out. Dont do it"?
Everyday I find myself eating alone at the table because lover boy isnt hungry and i am. Everynight I find myself laying in his bed alone while he is watching some sport. Everyday i find myself getting upset at him because he hurt my feelings. Is it because im really sensitive or is it because after we are married he's going to turn into some insensitive prick who pushes me around and doesnt love me at all? Am i getting into something like my mothers old situation? Where the guy is so sweet at 1st then after marraige he feels he has the right to hurt me?
Right now i want to punch a hold in the wall, I want to scream at him, I want to have a raging yelling fight where I run home alone crying. But why? Because it would make it easier to say "Call the wedding off"? It is irrational to think that? IM SO CONFUSED

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Another chapter begins

Do you ever wonder where the time goes? How it can fly by you so fast you dont even realize, yet at times it seems as if the world stopped and you're the only thing moving?
This past month-since my last blog-time has whizzed by so fast I'm afraid that I'm going to fly off the earth never to be seen again.
I've been busy with the wedding expecially with it only being 8 days away. I went camping with my family once more as an unmarried woman. I've been ending work for the summer and trying to find a new one until Sept arrives and I go back to work. I've been busy with my new hobby and obbsession; scrapbooking. Im making a scrapbook for the wedding so im starting off with all my bridal party pictures. I've been trying to cope with the extreme heat and humidity here that my city hasnt seen much of before. My father arrived home 2 days ago from Phillipines. I saw him for the first time today in 2 months. 3 maybe. So yes, Ive been a very busy woman.
But I figured you all would like to read one last post before my wedding, because after that I realize that everything is going to change. My relationship with my sisters will grow stronger because we will have to actually try to get together. I wont be so afraid of my mom to give her attitude and voice my opinion. My relationship with lover boy will also be strengthened(sp). I'll have a hubby and new resonsibilities to uphold. I will no longer live at home aiming to please so much. Everything i have lived by for the past 19 years will be history, and i will be starting a new chapter in my life. Lets hope that chapter is a romantic comedy with a very happy ending.