Thursday, June 15, 2006

Falling Apart

29 days. And counting,praying that miracously the heavens will open up and make the days zoom by and hoping that my heart soul and insides dont crumble so much that i do something drastic. I keep telling myself that i can do it, i can withstand my mother. 29 days till i can see freedom, where i can live a life of happiness, where i can voice my opionion and not be scared of the response. Where whatever i do i wont be controled like some people seem to think.
"Where are you going?" my mother asks me as shes doing a clients hair in the kitchen
"To 'Lover boys'. Is that a problem?"I snap back with some attitude suprising myself
"Chillax ok? I realize that you're 19 and you can make your own decisions but there is something I would like to talk to you about"
"If you can fit me into your schedule that would be wonderful" she cuts me off with.
"Ya, fine, Ill be here tonight"
"You're not with 'lover boy?"
"No. You want me here" i snap back
"Well, Im just worried that he's going to control you're life and you are going to be miserable..."yada yada yada, and then she begins. She starts giving me the speech right there in the hallway with her client in the kitchen so she can hear everything, just to make mom look like a good mother. HA! good mother my butt! UGH. She went on about how lover boy is supposedly controling my life, liek she can even talk. my step dad controls mom like a freakin reatred puppy on a 1 inch leash!!Give me a break mother ok?
Needless to say i got mad, upset, sad, and i ran out, slamming the door behind me. I cried all the way to lover boys, then in his arms when he greets me at the door. And inside i am crumbling. I fear going 'home'. Mom is always on my case about everything because shes not happy and because she's jealous of the wonderful man i have seemed to find. If dad was home i woudl move in with him till i got married. I cant stand being at 'home'. Everyday i get ragged on for something new like the problem child i always thought i was.
Tonight i am going to get a leacture about how and why i shouldnt marry lover boy, and all sorts of things. Im going to keep my purse and coat at the front incase i feel the need to run and get out of that horrible place. Wish me luck......


Blogger thesexyswede said...

good luck:D

chin up.

5:00 PM  

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