Friday, September 30, 2005

dog from da hood and flush the toliet

Last night my family got together in the living room for our nightly family prayer. We usually all chat and talk a bit. My sister sam,16, is really good at impersonting gansters and stuff and how they rap and talk. My dog, Seal, was on standing on the couch when sam pipes up and goes "Wat up dog?"
During supper mom decided to speak up. She likes to embarass people, thats how she teaches us a lesson. So mom speaks up and says "I just would like you to know, that whoever uses the toilet and doesnt flush, please flush the toilet next time." The table went quiet then Casey,14, says "When?" mom looked at her.
Mom:in the morning and afternoon
Casey:when in the afternoon
mom:its not important
casey:upstairs bathroom or downstairs?
mom: its not important
casey: i just want to know
me:casey, leave it.
casey:i just want to know
mom:i know who it is. its not you
casey:but i stil want to know.
This is when Ethan,the secret culprit, 13, says something. But Sam asks back "What didnt you do?"
Mom:(mouthng words to sam and i) flush the toilet

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

spinnig out of control?

So many things are happening. I am opening up to people all around me and I just realized. On Friday I am about to give Justin a note telling him I love him. I also told him a few ofther things I love about him. It's a very postive uplifting letter.
Tonight I am giving my friend a letter also. But this isn't so positive. I'm telling her to grow up. She had cut herself again, this time on the other arm after she told me she wouldn't do it again. I told her she is destroying her life and she needs to get it back in order. And now. I stated my absoulte true feelings and my anger I feel at her for doing all these things. In a way Im angry with myself too. Why didn't I tell her these things at the time? It's because I put my feelings aside to help her. But now that is done. After I saw her last night, her behaviour, her new cuts. It totally angered me and saddened me deep deep inside. But im more angry than anything. And you dont want to see me angry, trust that one.
My life is spinning so fast. Out of control? who knows. I have no idea for once what Justin will say to my response "I love you". I dont know what my friend will do when I tell her to "stop it. Stop it now. The lies. The hiding your feelings. The cutting. Stop everything *name*". And I will be honest. I am excited to get these feelings out. They have been harbouring inside me of for who knows how long and I am ready to take the stand. I am ready to stand up for msyelf to help myself. So raise your wine glasses (or in my and give a toast. The new Krystal is coming out. And it starts tonight.

Can i also mention Im scared??

Tuesday, September 20, 2005


im back! As you all know I left the province with my best friend to her dads to help her out and give her a friend and take her problems away even for a little while. it was...well.....interesting. We arrived ther around thurs evening. Friday my friend and I went shopping. I bought khakies(sp?), sk8ter shoes, lip gloss. my friend bought me the new cosmo mag. now that is full with goody she also bought me lightbulbs for my lamp. but what i rambling about what i did? u guys wanna hear he good stuff eh?
my friend showed her cuts. she took off her bandage which was wrapped around her arm to protect it from infection. It really wasnt that bad. Ive seen worse. But it did shock me a lil. i mean come on, your BEST FRIEND had CUTS on her arm. it was me.
I met her family too. Ill explain...
Her cousin Nicole:3 mnths pregnant. I think she has terrets or soemthng...i dont remember. anyway so shes actually not that bad. shes about 21 i think. Shes also married. ill go to him in a sec.....i dont know if it was me or what bur i got kinda annoyed at het a bit. i mean she thinks she knows everythign about having a baby and all. maybe it wa sister is 7-8 mnths prgnant.
Nicoles hubby, Andrew: gosh. doe he NOT hav a sence of humr??? my friend cracked a few funny yet immature jokes at supper one night while we all went out. it was funny yet he didnt understand. and who almost walks into the kitchen coming back from the bathroom????? moving on.....
Grandma #1, Dads mother: she wasnt bad at all. Kinda deaf. I think she had siabbetes. She lives in an old folks home and often get my freind mixed up with someone else. SHe wasnt that bad. or annyoing....
Grandma #2, mothers mother:now this one i could go forever about. SHE worked my nerves. All she knew how to do was cut ppl down behind there backs, and critize them. I mean, GAH this is where i went truly crazy. It was CRAZY. she made people seem worse they realyl were and doesnt really know the the meaning of family and friendship. she was cooler than Grandma #1 but still. she driove me C-R-A-Z-Y. Andto hink i saw her twice for about 10 hrs in totalt. GAH.
Her dad:hes a very nice man. very. he would always joke around saying how le likes me better b/c i ate meat. m friend is a vegitarioan when she goes over there-long stry. hes a farmer and love his 2 horses and who knows how many cows. like...85 or something. hes married also. hes a very nice man. loves my friend(his daughter) VERY much. shes all her has left, besides his wife. he even said so.
her step mom, Beverly Ann:shes a very nie quiet lady. i didnt really talk toher much. she was quiet. but if what i heard she was very nie and kind.
her aunt barb: she was nice. i loved her. when she found out about my friends arm she cried and gave her a hug telling her how much everyone cares and stuff. she is my friends fav aunt. and i can see why. she really shows her emotions in a good way to let u know she cares expecialyl when you need to hear it.
her 2 cousins: the boy is 2 and the girl is 1. CUTE. thats all i can say...CUTE.
All in all the weekend was fun, crazy, emotional. I got home sick the last night. That was not fun. My friend cant go back to work unless she goes to counsling. so she has an appointment this thurs. yup...with my councellor.we'll see hwo that goes. this is a long post so ill leave now.
I just want everyone to know who reads this-cutting yourself to get attention from anyone or someone in specific is not worth it. at all. reach out and find that attention in a different more positive way. Please.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Friend to the rescue

No names will be meantioned in this entry.

MY beest friend ia going thought a very hard time at this point in her life. She resulted in self-mutilation. Thank goodness thats all. Her mom had called me to ask if i would watch her today so she doesnt do somethign drastic. but she didnt show up at my house. i phoned her house to see if thigns were ok. she was crying like a fool. like a babay who had been aboneded. my poor poor baby. so i talked to her. needless to say it resulted in me going withher thiss weekend to her dads. i figure if she has tobe shipped off to her fathers while her mom is working so she wotn kill herself i might as well go with. she needs a friend now and who better than me? she is my baby. my toots. shes my soul mate. i cant lose her. so i will not be home for 3 nights and 3 days. *sigh* wish me luck everyone!!

Friday, September 09, 2005

Lots has happened and I have lots of thoughts. so pay attention readers.
I love Justin. But you all know that. What I dont think you know is that I want him to kiss me. The cheek would be fine yes but i was thinkin more so on the lips. Like not anythign drastic or anythign just light quick. a started kiss. it would be my very kiss, and i was thinkin and i want it from justin. But i dont want to the one to do it 1st. i want it done to me 1st. You know? this is really important to me. but time will tell. and hopefully soon.
My best friend was given anti depressants and was reffered to a counsellor. MY counsellor. Its kinda weird and all but i think it woudl do her good. lots of good. i can tel she needs the help and someone-besides me-to talk to. you know? im not very good about talkin about things like this to someone, expecialyl to the one who needs to hear it. So i was thinkin of writing her a note.
More about Justin. hehe. He wanted me to paint him a pic of a dragon b/c he likes them. well i think he thinks i forogt about it but i havnt. i just didnt have any of the materials. but i printed off a pic and im gonna draw it instead and im gonna use charcol. it will look so good. i was thinkin of puttin it in a pic frame too. maybe with a note to tell him how much he means to me. i am so excited. Maybe ill tell him i love him.......
I was also thinkin of calling Ms Gust up-that teacher-and seeign if she wants to go out for coffee with me and catch up on everything. I miss her so much, and there is so much to talk about. But i dont know her phoen number and i dont even know her address anymore. Its like i know shes alove and in medicine hat but i cant find her. its driving me crazy. plus shes on my top 5 fav people list. I love her too.
Wish me luck everyone!!

Monday, September 05, 2005

camping trip!!

my family and i went camping this past weekend. It tunred out better than i planned. I had origannly gone only because it was in an area close to where my boyfriend lives so of course iwent. haha. well needless to say we met up and went hiking together. with my family of course. but i had so much fun with him. I love him.
Sam Casey and I shared a tent even tho there was plenty of room in the tent trailer. we had so much fun in there. sisterly bonding and jokes. nothin is better.
The water we swam in was FREEZING. i got numb. i swam for 5 mins. not even.
My step brother ethan(12) severly broke his coller bone playing football with a bunch of kids. I feel so bad for him. I hurt my back realld bad only because the air mattress sam and i were going to sleep on deflated about...10 mins after we got to sleep. nothing says camping like sleeping on the hard ground. haha.
it rained/sprinkled the last night. wasnt that bad.
my favourite word these past.....2 days was sex. haha. at a random point in any conversation i would instsanyl be like "sex?" and look around. or pllainy answer "sex". all my sisblings got a kick out of it.
all in all i enjoyed camping. got to see justin, got to bond with my sisters, got to leave all my problems behind. whats better than that? "sex??" *looks around*

Thursday, September 01, 2005


Justin. Me and Justin. Lately I feel like inlove with him? Whats love you ask? How do you know you'r in love?Well honestly...i dont know. You just..KNOW. I always get happy after i talk to him like..seriously happy. weirdly happy. Nice happy. We have been dating for about 6 months. Hopefully longer. ANd u know? i liek justin b/c he has this great mind. Hes a deep thinker. i lov that. im a deep thinker too. he likes dogs. i do too. he likes me. i like me too.haha. for now anyway. hemakes me happy. yes he does tick me off sometimes, but thats only when i cant see him......*sigh* I love justin. does he love me too???